自問自答

There's a saying that goes something like "People always hurt the ones they love the most." If that's the case, I'm loved by all the people around me. First off, there's my mom who always has to criticize everything I do and put me down on a regular basis so that I have no self-esteem. Then there's my dad, who sides with my mom and throws away the things that mean the most to me when he's angry at me. And I can't forget my boyfriend, who (among many other things) recently betrayed me at a time when I needed his help the most. Ahh yes, the wonderful people in my life who love me SO much that they have to hurt me to show how much they love me. What would I be without them?!

Bf is driving me up the wall lately!  >_<  I can't stand it!  The more I'm with him, the more I think that the whole relationship was a huge mistake.  He's always pissing me off and we're always fighting.  Okay, not ALWAYS, but it's frequent enough that it bothers me.

The one thing that's really ticking me off lately is the fact that he won't leave me alone!  I have to beg and plead to get my alone time that I used to treasure so much.  If he's not with me, he's constantly calling and/or texting me.  And I've already fallen so far behind in all of my classes this quarter that time is VERY precious to me.  I'm a straight A student and he knows how important my grades are to me.  Yet he still bothers me constantly.  I feel like he's dragging me down.  I KNOW for a fact that I would not be this far behind in ALL my classes if he wasn't around.  But then he gets upset that I blame him for always calling/texting/IMing/etc., which distracts me from getting my work done.  That's not to say that I wouldn't have any distractions if he weren't around, but the less distractions, the better.

Then he's just been pissing me off with little annoying things.  Like he'll tap his foot or tap his hand on the back of my chair, which he KNOWS is a big pet peeve of mine.  Or he'll put his hands all over me and rub my body (think sexual, not like a nice gesture) and just generally make me feel extremely uncomfortable.  And when I ask him to stop, he has the audacity to ask me why.  Whereas before, if I asked him to stop something, he would (more or less) respect me.  I feel like I've lost all respect now that he knows that he "has" me, if you know what I mean.

And see, he knows how much he's been getting on my nerves, so he's been giving me presents.  So, it's like a catch-22.  I'm really mad at him and I want absolutely nothing to do with him, but then he gives me gifts and I feel like I'm being a bitch if I continue to avoid him.  I don't know...I guess at this point I need to sit down and weigh the pros and cons and see whether it's even worth it to continue the relationship.  I've been more stressed out lately than ever before and it's really been taking a toll on me physically and emotionally.  Is his companionship really worth all this stress???  That's the question I have to answer (probably when I'm not mad, cuz I think my mood will affect my answer).

Things seemed pretty quiet lately, with the exception of getting pissed off by my boyfriend on numerous occasions.  But things all went downhill today when mom decided to lash out at me with a verbal attack much like the ones I got almost daily in high school.

The day started out okay...I woke up, felt like shit, slowly tried to eat breakfast (and keep it down!) and got ready.  Then I went over to my boyfriend's house to pick him up.  Since this isn't a rant about my bf, I won't bother to complain about how he treats me but instead I'll get to the part about my mom.  After hanging out at the mall, we went back to my bf's house.  As I was driving to his house my cell phone rang, but since he threw my purse in the back seat, I couldn't get to my phone.  As soon as I parked, I listened to my voice mail.  My mom called to remind me that I had a doctor's appointment and not to be late.  Nothing urgent, just a simple reminder message.

Once we got inside the house, my bf wanted to play the New Super Mario Bros. on DS.  I told him I could spare about 10 minutes before I had to meet my mom for my doctor's appointment.  Just a few minutes later, my cell phone rang again.  I picked it up and my mom sounded furious.  "WHERE THE **** ARE YOU?!?!"  I told her I'd be home at 4:15, just like we agreed and it was only 4:05.  She said she had called me several times (which was a lie because she only called me ONCE before this) and that I needed to be in ###-city in 10 minutes to pick up my dad.  After a wave of cuss words, she told me I had just a couple minutes to pick her up at her office.

I ran out of my bf's house and sped like crazy all the way to her office.  Of course I got stuck behind a bunch of slow ass idiots along the way.  And of course I got stuck behind a guy going 20 mph in a 40 mph street that was only one lane wide so I couldn't get around him.  He had a huge SUV, so there was no squeezing by.  I tailgated him all the way to my mom's office.  Then I get another furious phone call from my mom.  "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU IDIOT?!?!"  I asked her where she was, as I was parked right in front of her office.  Well, she walked down the street to "make it easier" on me to pick her up.

I backtracked down the street, pulled over and let her in the car.  She continued to say how stupid I was and how it was all MY fault that we would be late.  How was it MY fault when we agreed to meet at home at 4:15 and she suddenly sprung it on me that I had to be in ###-city (about 20 minutes away) at 4:15 instead?!  Then she complained about my hair, saying it looked ugly, stupid, etc. and "Aren't you so embarrassed to leave the house looking like THAT?!"  Her constant verbal abuse got me REALLY upset and since she kept yelling that we would be late, I continued to speed.  Then she continued to complain about my driving, saying how I must be the worst driver in the world and being in my car while I was driving was really uncomfortable.  I purposely slammed on my brakes, making her head slam against the headrest.  Then I sped, slammed on the brakes, swerved, etc. all the way to ###-city.  I was REALLY MAD!!!  >_<

After picking up my dad and going to my doctor's appointment, we got dinner and came home.  I went to the bathroom and mom began yelling at me to hurry up because she had to go too.  I told her she could either wait until I was done or go upstairs to use the other bathroom.  She just banged on the door and told me I'd better get out now or else.  When I got out, she yelled at me for not locking the back door.  I asked her "Who was the last person to go out that door?  I thought you went out that way during your lunch break."  She said that she did use the back door, so she WAS the last person to go out that way, but it was MY fault because *I* should've been more responsible to check it before I left the house (since she left before me).  WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSHIT!  She's always doing things wrong and then twisting it to blame me.  If it had been the other way around, it would've been my fault since I was the last person to use the door.  But my mom is automatically innocent of any wrong doings.

So, needless to say, today has been filled with lots of verbal abuse, put downs, insults, etc.  I would drink my cares away, but all the stress she put me through really took a toll on my stomach and I'd surely throw up if I even attempted to drink.  I would smoke to calm down, but the cost of cigarettes is waaay too high and I know I'd never finish the whole pack.  So here I am left to cry or continue to hurt myself...

Oh, so also as a side topic about my mom...My bf and I were originally going to eat at a Japanese restaurant about 30 minutes away but my mom told me I couldn't go because the traffic coming back would be bad and I'd be late for my doctor's appointment.  So I told my bf we had to stay local, which is why we ended up going to the mall.  He asked me why I always listen to my mom and I told him it's because I didn't want to put up with her constant nagging and filthy looks if I didn't.  He told me that I'm practically a mindless zombie because my mom tells me where I can go, what I can eat, how I should dress, what I should say, etc.  I hardly ever get a say as to what *I* want to do because when I try to speak my mind, my mom will say "No, you don't want that.  You want THIS."  I guess what my bf says has some truth to it, since when I'm out on my own, I can't make a decision because I'm afraid of making the wrong one and that somehow my mom will find out and constantly insult me for my choices.  But it's really hard to have a mind of my own when I've always had to do what my mom wants me to do for the last 23 years of my life.  X_X

Depression has been tearing a hole in my soul lately.  WTF?!  It's so not cool...

A few weeks ago I twisted my ankle really badly on a DDR machine.  My bf drove us all the way to the place and I had just paid for us to play mini golf, so I played it off even though I was in a TON of pain.  I did horribly at mini golf; getting 10 or more strokes on holes that I know I can do in 1 stroke.  My bf told me that I was exaggerating about how much pain I was in and that it wasn't that bad.  Well, by the time I got home, my ankle was noticeably swollen.  That same week we still had summer classes and he made me walk down this huge hill and all the way to class.  Along the way, he made comments like "Gee, as slow as we're going, class is going to be over by the time we get there!"  He could've gone ahead of me, but constant insulting must've seemed so much more attractive.

I suppose my bf still thinks it's no big deal because we've been going to DLR when I should probably be resting.  Last Wednesday he made me run from the parking structure to the park entrance because we were running late meeting up with someone and he didn't want us to split up (doesn't that totally remind you of another guy I know?!  Oh wait, I didn't write blogs about him...Nvm...).  Then we went to Disneyland again twice this past week.  In fact, we went yesterday and we were running all over the park.  By the end of the day my ankle hurt so badly that I wanted to cry.  Maybe I should have, just to "prove" how much it hurt.

Oh, and while I'm on the topic of Disneyland...Matt has become CRAZY obsessed with pin trading and collecting.  I think he's spent like $100 on pins just this week.  I had never pin traded before and pin collecting was just a casual side hobby - nothing too serious.  But he has made such a HUGE deal about it that he got me thinking about it more.  We talked to pin traders and I saw a ton of pins that I really wanted but could never have.  When I found a lady that had a pin I wanted and I could get a pin she wanted, Matt told me not to do it.  I don't know WHY THE HELL I listened to him.  By the time I was like "Fuck you, I want it!  We're going back!" the lady had already traded it with someone else.  *cry*  ;o;  Then we talked to some CMs who told me about a really cool looking Stitch pin that is LE and Cast exclusive.  Unfortunately I'm not a CM anymore and I have no means to get it.  Another low blow!  But Matt insists that "we had a lot of fun" and that I shouldn't be upset about it.

I don't know...I won't go into any more for right now.  But I've just been really frustrated lately and Matt definitely isn't helping.  There are times (like the ones mentioned above) when I wish he'd be just a little more compassionate and understanding.  I don't think this is the way a guy should treat his girlfriend and I don't think that all this frustration and depression is worth it sometimes.  And seeing happy couples doesn't help.  Or listening to these beautiful and popular so-called "friends" of mine complain about their lives...

Con season is quickly winding down and there are only a few more opportunities to cosplay this year.  I've really been in a bind with the lack of qualified seamstresses that I can turn to ever since my grandma got arthritis and hasn't been able to sew my costumes.  I'm able to sew, but my abilities are not that great.  Unfortunately school gets in the way of me becoming a better seamstress myself.  :T

At any rate, I've been thinking of costumes I'd like to do to round out this year.  Here are my picks and potential events that I intend to wear them to:

Silvermist (Tinkerbell)



Finally Disney comes out with a character that I can actually cosplay!  Of course, there's Mulan too but...Fairies are so much cooler!  :B  I'm not a big fan of Silvermist's personality per se, but I LOVE the color blue and the fact that I can probably pull off the costume.  I already took shots of Silvermist on my recent trip to DLR, so I have a good idea of how the costume should look.  I'll probably pull character designs of Silvermist from the Tinkerbell movie as well, so the costume will be a nice hybrid of the two.  I'd LOVE to have this done in time for D23, but I've given up that hope since that event is only a couple weeks away.  Instead, I'm hoping to have it done in time to go to Mickey's Trick-or-Treat Party.

Sakurano Tazusa (Ginban Kaleidoscope)

         

So, my bf got me addicted to Ginban Kaleidoscope.  It's an amazingly good anime that I highly recommend!  My bf insists that my personality is very similar to Tazusa's, which is probably why I like her character so much.  Her ice skating outfit from episode 4 is so beautiful!  I'm a little hesitant about the outfit as a whole, mostly because it's not suited for my body type, but it's too pretty not to do!  I would LOVE to actually wear this outfit out ice skating, but that probably won't happen.  I'd love to have this done for Ani-Magic, but that's also coming up really soon.  Either way, I think I'd love to have this outfit done, even if I can't find an event to wear it to!

One interesting question I got from someone was, "Has your opinion of any of the girls in Morning Musume changed after you met them?"  I definitely think the answer is YES.  Allow me to elaborate...

When I first saw Morning Musume on Kouhaku, they sang Koko ni Iruzee!  I immediately fell in love with Takahashi Ai's spunk and strong vocals.  For a while, Ai-chan was my favorite Momusu.  Once 6th generation came along, I really began to like Tanaka Reina.  I really admired her for her looks as well as her vocals.  Watching 7th generation auditions, I HATED Kusumi Koharu with a great passion and was disappointed when she was the only girl to make it.  It wasn't until her vocals improved and I got to hear her sing solo as Tsukishima Kirari starring Kusumi Koharu that I began to like her.  Mitsui Aika was my favorite through the 8th generation auditions.  I never had much of an opinion of the pandas - Jun Jun and Lin Lin.

In the months leading up to Anime Expo, I would say that my favorites were (in no particular order): Takahashi Ai, Tanaka Reina, Kamei Eri and Kusumi Koharu.  Ai-chan because she was the spark that really got me interested in Morning Musume in the first place, Reina for her cute looks and yankee personality, Eri for her uniqueness and underutilized talent, and Koharu for her overwhelming cuteness and insane energy.

After Anime Expo, I think I gained a bit of insight about each of the girls.

Takahashi Ai - She is so humble!  She is so talented - she has strong vocals, amazing dancing skills and she's an outstanding actress - yet she is still down to earth and doesn't let the success go to her head.  Ai-chan actually blushed when I complimented her!  Because of all this, I really admire her.  I hope that Tsunku keeps her around for a while because she's truly a gem!

Niigaki Risa - I've never had much of an opinion of Gaki-san one way or the other.  But when meeting her in person, she gives off this very kind and understanding aura.  It seems like she really cares about other people and she would go out of her way to help others.  This sincerity really made me look at Gaki-san in a different way.

Kamei Eri - I just have to say...She's SO friggen cute in person!  Her smile could light up a room!  <3  Despite Kamei's shy streak (which I think she's gotten over?), she's very sociable.  The first time I met her, she actually started talking to me first!  Also, like Ai-chan, Eri is very humble and blushed when I gave her a compliment.  I really hope that Tsunku brings Eri to the front more often.  She has gorgeous vocals and she can outdance ANY of the other girls (the concert proved that!).  I was disappointed to learn later that she's a huge Stitch fan...We could've obsessed together!  ;_;

Michishige Sayumi - DAMN, Sayu is SO CUTE!!!!  Of course she looks cute in photoshoots and whatnot, but all stars get some "help" (airbrushing, photoshopping, etc.).  But to see Sayu in person is a totally different matter!  I couldn't believe how attractive she was!  XD!!!  It really doesn't matter what her singing sounds like, her strikingly good looks will have you too mesmerized to hear how off key she sounds.  Although, in all fairness, Sayu's vocals have improved SO much over the years.

Tanaka Reina - For me, Reina was the biggest disappointment.  During the panel, she was the only one NOT smiling for a good portion of the time.  She looked so uninterested in the whole ordeal.  Then she found enjoyment by pointing and laughing at people in the audience.  And when someone talked to her/asked her a question, she wasn't even paying attention!  The other girls had to kind of say "Hey Reina, that guy was talking to you!" and she said "Huh?!"  Also, she seemed distant and stuck up during the autograph session.  She's a beautiful girl with amazing vocal talent, but she needs to work on her attitude a bit.  Or she needs to work on her acting skills to ACT like she cares when fans are watching her.

Kusumi Koharu - I went from hating her with a great passion when it was announced she made it into Morning Musume, to becoming addicted to her Tsukishima Kirari stuff, to all out loving her by the end of AX.  I think the fact that she has grown vocally has helped me slowly begin the transformation from hater to lover.  (And it doesn't hurt that she went from average girl to friggen HOT!)  While she still came off as being a bit fake (it was obvious that she gave answers that the fans wanted to hear), I think she does have some sincerity.  It made me really happy that she stared at me through a good portion of the panel, waved at me at the concert, recognized me at the autograph session, complimented me, drew hearts on the photocard she autographed for me, and got excited when I gave her my love letter.  The fact that she recognized me pretty much all weekend shows that she's not a total airhead (then again, I guess it wasn't that hard to point me out of a crowd).

Mitsui Aika - Another cutie!  I love her puppy dog eyes.  I don't think she did anything in particular to make her stand out one way or the other for me.  Although, she was very interested in me during the autograph session.  She even attempted to speak English to me!  So, I do think that she has shown that she has a genuine interest in her fans and she puts forth great effort in a lot of what she does.  I still think she has a bit of growing to do and I think that she will eventually be the girl that stands out in the group (she already has a unique sound to her voice that really stands out, which is something I've always liked about her).

Jun Jun - Not always photogenic, but she's VERY beautiful in person!  I think that she's a very strong and determined individual.  Her Japanese is really good and I know that it must've been a struggle for her to master the language in such a short time span.  She's also really funny!  I enjoyed her answers during the panel.  Oh, and she's also very sweet.  She wished for my happiness with my boyfriend.  She could've just said, "Thank you" when I told her that my boyfriend was happy to meet her, but she gave a very sweet, thought out answer that meant a lot to both me and my boyfriend.

Lin Lin - I think Lin Lin really shined during AX.  She never stood out to me at all.  But she has such a great personality!  I liked how she had actually studied English before coming so that she could have a closer connection with her American fans.  Now that is real dedication!  She also seems to be a very positive individual.  I think she has a lot of positive traits that are often overshadowed by the other girls.  Like Mittsi, she has very unique vocals that set her apart from the rest of the girls in Morning Musume.  What Lin Lin may lack in looks, she fully makes up for in vocals and personality!

This year’s Anime Expo was amazing because Morning Musume was there!!! <3 <3 <3 Words cannot explain how incredible my weekend was.  It was like a dream come true (literally)!

 

Day 0

Matt and I got to the LACC two hours before the start of registration. Wishful thinking said we’d be in and out within about an hour so we could get to class. But the reality was that AX is always horribly organized and never does things on time. We waited in the blistering heat for about 2 hours then got to wait for another hour or so in another line in the sun. All for what? To get our badge and concert tickets. Yeah. But at least I met some really cool Morning Musume fans while waiting in line!

 

Day 1

First day of the convention! I had Matt go straight to the room for the Q&A panel so he could get us a good spot. I waited in line for the exhibit hall so that I could get autograph tickets for Morning Musume and Hangry (aka Yoshizawa Hitomi). After a long wait in the blistering hot sun and making friends with fellow H!P fanatics, I bought up 2 Morning Musume CDs, 1 Hangry & Angry CD and 6 glowsticks and received 1 ticket for Morning Musume’s autographs and 1 ticket for Hangry’s autograph.



I got to the panel room with just a small amount of time to spare. We sat 5 rows back on the left side of the room. Luckily, Koharu was sitting on our side, which made me really happy! When the girls came into the room, I jumped on my chair and shook my pink flashing tambourine. Koharu seemed to notice me and gave a friendly wave. But what made me really happy was getting to ask a question. I got so nervous seeing all 9 girls staring at me with huge smiles on their faces. Wait, what was I going to ask again?! Well, it didn’t really matter cuz all I wanted to do was let Koharu see my costume and also tell her that I liked her (to which she responded “YAAAAY!!!” in the highest pitched voice possible to mankind). Throughout the rest of the panel, Koharu would periodically look at me. Even Matt noticed it! And to test my theory, I waited till I made eye contact with Koharu and waved. She waved back! So that proves it! :P

After the panel, we got a ticket for an autograph and went running around with the other panel goers like a mad herd of buffalo. We were all given faulty information about where the autograph session would be held. We eventually found out the location, but by that time too many others had gotten the information as well. So we opted to get in line at the H!P merchandise booth since all the H!P fans were trying to get autographs. I bought up a MM in USA t-shirt, platinum 9 disco armband, 2 sets of photocards, uchiwa (fan), Hangry & Angry t-shirt, H&A keychain and 2 sets of photocards. I was given another Hangry autograph ticket for buying so much H&A stuff, so I gave it to Matt. That was pretty much the extent of our day, as far as AX went.

 

Day 2

On today’s agenda: Morning Musume concert and Hangry’s autograph session! We got to the convention reasonably early to line up for the concert. We met up with our friends and chilled (or rather burned in the blazing sun yet again) for a couple hours. Then we made our way to our seats – section C, row 7 – and rested for another 2 hours. I was 3 seats over from the aisle; not bad, but I would’ve liked to have that isle seat because there were all tall people in front of me. I was still able to see half of the stage, so all was good. I had SO much fun singing along to the songs, jumping around and waving my glowsticks around in the air. At the end of the concert when the girls were waving goodbye, I jumped up on my chair when Koharu was in front of me and shook my red glowsticks (btw, Koharu’s color is red). I swear she saw me because her eyes seemed to light up and she waved energetically in my direction.

Matt and I left the concert and made our way straight to the exhibit hall for Hangry’s autograph. We sat in line, but were shooed away because forming a line in that area was considered a “fire hazard.” Whatever! It actually worked in our favor because when they started the line again, we were a lot closer to the front than before. I was star struck when I got to the autograph table cuz I’ve always had a HUGE crush on Yossie. She’s so insanely beautiful in person! I asked her in my most polite Japanese “Can you please sign Yossie?” She happily obliged, signing both “Hangry” and “Yossie.” I got to shake her hand before leaving too, which was incredibly soft. <3

I met up with a friend quickly and then went to check in at the Westin Bonaventure for the night. I was SO exhausted from the concert! 1 1/2 hours of singing, jumping and waving glowsticks in the air really takes a lot out of you! We crashed in the room for a while, went to the lobby to eat dinner, Matt got a gift ready for Koharu while I got sick (I suspect food poisoning) and went back up to the room for the night. I wrote out a love letter to Koharu on my cutest Nyanko stationary and put the picture of me and Koharu that I photoshopped inside. I addressed the envelope “Kusumi Koharu-sama” and drew hearts next to her name. The rest of the night was me tossing and turning and waking up every hour or so. Not fun at all! ;_;

 

Day 3

Woke up bright and early (or rather never really went to sleep) so that I could look nice for Morning Musume (but mostly for Koharu). We left the hotel, packed and ready to go, and made our way to the convention center to wait in yet ANOTHER line. By the time we got to the autograph hall, a ton of people were already ahead of us in line. We got a numbered ticket, showing our spot in line to reduce cutting, which seemed to be a big problem this year. We were numbers 144 and 145. We got out our portable chairs (BEST $20 we spent) and waited comfortably INSIDE for 2 1/2 hours. Yes, this was the first line we waited in that was in an air conditioned room! As it got close to our turn, we got really nervous because we were told only about 150 people got in to the previous autograph signing on Thursday. The guy at the door cut the line right at us, which made me even more nervous. Then a lady said “We’ll take two more”, so Matt and I got to go in together.

Star struck doesn’t even begin to explain how I felt! Since we had to wait so long in the holding room, the people who were ahead of us were already out of the room. All 9 girls were sitting down behind a long desk, all smiling brightly and staring straight at ME! I was so excited that most of what happened is a blur now. But they all made a comment like “It’s Koharu-chan!” Ai-chan was the first to sign my photocards. She’s SO pretty and petite. While she was signing, Gaki-san just kept staring at me with a huge smile. I looked at her, blushed and said “I’m so nervous!” to which she replied “Nervous?” in a way that implied “There’s no reason to be nervous!” It really made me feel like Gaki-san is the kind of understanding person you would go to when you have a problem and need advice. Eri smiled and seemed to really admire my costume, so I did a spin for her. She commented on how accurate my costume was and I said “I even did my shoes!” All the girls stood out of their seats and I believe it was Ai-chan that said, “Wow, the shoes even match the costume!” Next was Sayu, who told me that I was really cute. I told her “No, YOU’RE cute!” to which she made a reply that was like “Well, OF COURSE I am!” Haha! I didn’t really say anything to Reina. Koharu smiled at me and said “Sugoi~!!!” I was so enamored with her that I can’t remember if she said anything else. But she drew a bunch of hearts on the photocard she signed (which she didn’t do on Matt’s, which means I’m special!). Mittsi asked in broken English “You make?” and pointed to my costume. I think I just said “Hai” so that I wouldn’t have to attempt to explain that I had a friend make it for me, because believe me, I wasn’t thinking straight at the time. I heard a ton more sugois from the other girls. Next was Jun Jun, but I didn’t say much to her. Finally, I got to Lin Lin and she said “Tan Tan Taan?” (referring to my costume). I nodded and told her “Your English is very good!” to which she replied “Oh, thank you!” I asked her in English if she was studying English and then she was like “Huh?” LOL, I guess not… Oh, btw, I forgot to mention that I got to shake each girls’ hand! Before I went to the bathroom, I made sure to get a picture of my sacred “Morning Musume hand.” LMAO!

Matt and I went to eat lunch at ESPN Zone while we waited for the next autograph session. I began writing out what I wanted to say to each of the girls, because I felt like it was a lost opportunity the last time. I wasn’t sure what to say to all of them and I figured I might be too star struck again to remember that much Japanese, so I wrote out what I wanted to say to Eri and Koharu, my two favorites. Matt also asked me to tell Jun Jun that he was so happy to meet her.

We made our way to the exhibit hall so that I could see Morning Musume for the last time. I practiced my sentences with Matt right before going in. I wanted to tell Ai-chan how talented she was and that I wished her all the best in the future, but I didn’t know how to say it in Japanese, so I had to have the translator say it to her. Ai-chan blushed and thanked me. I was shoved along down the line, so I stood in front of Eri while my booklet was being passed down the line of girls. I told her how she’s an amazing dancer and I wished I could dance as well as she does. She also blushed as if she was embarrassed and then said “Let’s do our best!” She extended her hand to shake mine, but a security guard yelled at both of us and shoved me down the line again. She mouthed “Gomen ne!” Next I went straight over to Koharu to give her my present (the love letter). She seemed to perk up when she saw me (all the girls looked pretty dead at this point), and was enthusiastic to receive my letter. She thanked me many times and told me she would definitely read it. I suppose I don’t care if she does or not, but it would mean a lot to me if she did. I told Jun Jun what Matt asked me to tell her and she replied, “Thank you! I hope that you and your boyfriend will be happy together!” Awww!!!

After that, I met up with Chy and Kasha and we had a nice conversation. Then Matt and I did some last minute shopping in the exhibit hall. I bought a Nyanko Café shirt and Matt bought me a Stitch hat. By this time, the two of us were ready to pass out, so we made our way home.

 

All in all, this year’s Anime Expo was everything I could’ve hoped for and more. I dreamt that I’d get personal time with Morning Musume, but I never expected it to really happen! I went in only hoping that Koharu would see my costume and I got so much more! I’m still in disbelief over everything that happened. And add Yoshizawa to the mix?! INSANE!!!! How could everything have worked out so perfectly?! I’m still in disbelief. I feel like I’m going to wake up any minute now and realize that this weekend was all a dream. But I feel sick and insanely sore, so it must’ve been real! I hope that Tsunku decides to bring H!P over to America after the success of Morning Musume’s debut at AX09!

Anime Expo is quickly approaching!  Only 4 more days!  AAAAHHHH!!!!!  @_@;;;

I always have mixed emotions about AX.  On one hand, I'm extremely excited.  I'm slowly getting back into cosplay (more or less).  It's been a while since I've gotten a new costume, so I'm thrilled to cosplay this year.  Also, Morning Musume and Yoshizawa Hitomi will be there, which I'm totally stoked about!  I have high hopes that I will be able to see them in person, possibly talk to them, shake their hands, or get their autographs.  However, on the other hand, AX is always horrendously organized.  Nobody knows anything, things get changed/moved around without your knowledge, etc.  It's extremely frustrating when things go wrong and nobody can give you a clear answer for why they're doing what they're doing to you.  Here's hoping that this year won't be a nightmare like previous years!  x_x;;;

I still have a lot of stuff to do in preparation for AX.  Small details need to be finished on my costume, I need to decide whether I want to bring more than one costume, make a fan shirt or some other thing to show my support for Kamei Eri (it was a hard decision cuz I love all the girls, but I think Eri's the most talented, well-rounded, down-to-earth girl in the group), get the MM schedule figured out (doesn't help that AX doesn't give ANY info this close to the convention), among other things.  Basically it'll be a lot of stress leading up to the convention.

Speaking of stress, I'm going to be missing my summer class on Thursday.  The teacher advised against it because we'll be learning some important stuff, but Morning Musume is far more important to me.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure my bf feels the same way.  Oh, let me explain - my bf and I are taking the same class and he's also going to AX with me.  He's been insanely incorrigible the past few days, which only adds to my stress levels.  He always wants to hang out with me, but with how I'm feeling today, the last thing I wanted to do was hang out with him.  I think he might be mad at me about that.  And speaking of mad, it seems like he's always getting upset with me for small things.  See, this is why I don't like being in relationships!  >_<

Well, hopefully I can just sit in my room and cry tonight.  Get all the frustration and depression out so that I can get stuff done tomorrow!

Will the Hell NEVER end?!?!?!

I just got through midterms this week.  I'm still waiting to see what I got though.  I should get my grade for my Japanese midterm tomorrow and my management grade should be in by the end of next week.  I think I did OK on them...Hopefully I at least got an A- on both of them.

Unfortunately the torture isn't over yet.  My teachers have conveniently made a bunch of shit due all at the same time!  So, even though it's the weekend, I'm going to be spending it catching up on work PLUS trying to get projects and shit done.  I have to:
~Catch up on reading for two of my classes (which is probably like 250 pages)
~Work on my "group project" (which is more like a solo project; see paragraph below)
~Re-write my Japanese speech (cuz some shit head named Mai screwed me over and the teacher thrust more work upon me)
~Record myself reading a story (dumb assignment for Japanese class)

I think the most frustrating thing is the group project for my management class.  It's worth 35% of my overall grade, so I can't let my group members bring me down.  Originally they were all gung-ho for my idea (probably because they didn't know what to do and I actually did research and marketed the idea to them) but now one of my group members in particular is giving me a lot of grief.  He disagrees with everything we've done thus far and wants us to basically scrap our idea and start anew.  I'm NOT going to do that because we've put in WAAAY too much work to go back and lose weeks worth of work.  The other people haven't expressed any dissatisfaction, but I'm starting to doubt they even understand the concept of our business.  Which means that I'm most likely going to get stuck doing the WHOLE DAMN PROJECT!  And now that I almost have a life (I actually talk to someone now and go fun places), it makes it that much more difficult to overload myself with stuff that should be divided among 5 people.  I can already feel my immune system dying on me....  x_x;;;

So, my computer died the other day.  And I mean completely died.  All I get is a black screen with a blinking white "_".  A couple weeks ago I had more RAM added and got a larger hard drive to store more stuff.  Everything was working perfectly -  nice and fast.  Then the other night I turned my computer off and then thought "Oh crap, I forgot to check my assignments on Blackboard!"  So I try to turn on my computer again and nothing...  ...............  @#$&%!!!!  My computer is my life.  Everything important to me is on my computer.  And now all I get is darkness.  Oh, why me?!  But thankfully, I have a laptop to help me cope with the loss of my computer in the mean time.

So, I was watching The Suite Life on Deck and it was this funny episode where Mr. Moseby is stuck on hold trying to get help for his laptop.  While he's on hold, a voice says something like "Please continue to hold.  Your call is very important to us.  Your call will be answered in the order it was received.  You have only 58 more people ahead of you.  If you would like help immediately, you can visit our website at..." and Mr. Moseby yells something along the lines of "I wouldn't be calling you for technical assistance if I could get to your website!"  Basically I felt the same way.  Also reminds me of this help video on YouTube for "If you are unable to play videos."  Okay, how can I access the help information in the video if my problem is that I'm unable to play videos?!  >_<

Oh, another funny story.  I'm taking an information management class this quarter, which basically talks about IT systems.  We just discussed offshoring in class the other day and watched some funny video clips about how lots of processes within businesses are being offshored to India.  So, when I called Dell support just a few minutes ago, I get some guy with a thick accent and name I couldn't even pronounce (obviously from India) helping me.  He told me that we're going to basically wipe my computer clean, to which I objected.  So, I'm going to take it to my friend who works on computers (who worked on my computer a few weeks ago to make it work better) to see if he can salvage my files first.  Ahh, I'd be so depressed if I lost all my pictures from when I hung out with Mika and all her friends from Japan!  ;O;

So, as of right now, here's what's going on in my life...

Today is my last day of spring break.  Tomorrow I go back to school to start a new quarter.  And I'm taking 16 units this time!!!  >_<!!!  Can I survive it?!  I might drop one class, but I really shouldn't if I ever want to graduate and get out of this Hell.  I'm taking Japanese, two business classes (ick!) and one capstone.  Yeah yeah, it doesn't sound too bad, but I stress out VERY easily.

I just watched the final episode of Slayers Evolution-R.  Partly exciting, partly disappointing.  The ending pretty much followed the same pattern as the previous seasons (the disappointing part), but the mere fact that it's Slayers and Lina was kicking major butt made it exciting.  Although I think the highlight of the episode was the two eyecatches; one with all the good guys from all the seasons and one with all the bad guys from all the seasons.  Memories~!!!

I'm almost finished reading "Slayers - Lina to Chimera no Mahou Senshi."  It's a quick and easy read, but I've been distracted by so many other things.  The story is really cute though and YAY for having the text for Dragon Slave!  :3!!!  I can't wait for the second novel in this series to come out later this month!

I just got a mixi account.  I've been posting like crazy in the communities, but then I later realized that I messed up a bit on my grammar.  OMG, I'm such a foreigner!  :B!  If anyone else has mixi, let me know!  I need more friends!!!!

Other than that...Yeah...I feel like I wasted a lot of time during my spring break.  Aside from the two trips to Disneyland and Kasha's going away party, I've done nothing but sit on my lazy ass.  No, I mean literally!  I can honestly say I've accomplished nothing.  I was supposed to clean my play room and my bedroom, set up a store on eBay to sell all the stuff I don't use/need anymore, fill in the Kanji in my FYGK Kizuna novel so that I can finally read it, etc. etc.  But I didn't do ANY of that!  Well, I cleaned up my bedroom a little bit, but it's already messy again!  >_<  Ahh well, at least I did *something* fun.  Usually I do absolutely nothing but veg out in front of my computer during spring/summer vacation.  x_x;;;

This spring break has been the BEST EVER!  I thought things couldn't get any more fun than they did on Saturday, but yesterday was even more fun!

I wanted to go to Disneyland because it was my good friend Kasha's (whose farewell party I went to on Saturday) last day working at DLR.  So I called up my friend MaiMai and we went together.  As soon as we got into Disneyland, we took pictures with Donald (my FAVORITE one!), Pluto and Minnie.  Then we got in line for Pixie Hollow to see my very special fairy friend who is going to be flying away in a few days.  We took a gazillion pictures with her and talked as much as we could and probably irritated everyone else waiting in line.  But whatever, I'm not gonna see her again for a long time so...Nya~!  :P

After that, we took a quick ride on Star Tours and then headed over to DCA.  On our way out, I saw a few of my Japanese friends and the little boy from the party on Saturday!  I wanted to show MaiMai how he talks like a badass, but he was playing a video game and didn't want to be bothered.  He's so stubborn!  But it's kind of cute, in a way.  Okay, so whenever I go to DCA, I ALWAYS have problems with RUDE Cast Members.  When I tried to get in, the ticket taker ripped my ticket out of my hand and said he was confiscating it!  He refused to let me in and I tried to explain to him the situation, but he just yelled at me.  What happened is that I was given the wrong ticket when I went to Disneyland.  I told him I wanted to speak to his manager, but he just ignored me.  I started to get really mad and he had an attitude like "I'll call him when I feel like it!"  I WAS FUMING MAD!  (Insert string of profanities here.)  I tried to remember his name, but it was some weird German name and I was just so insanely mad that I couldn't remember it after I got in.  But I really did want to go to City Hall and file a complaint.  His behavior was totally uncalled for!

So after we got in to DCA, I went to go see my good friend Minnie and told her about the drama that happened to which she replied "OMG!" and then gave me a hug.  After that, I went to calm myself (and my stomach) with a free tortilla.  Then MaiMai wanted to go on California Screamin' and then I wanted to go on Midway Mania to release my anger by shooting stuff.  While in line, my friend Matt happened to see me and we talked for a bit.  I told him what happened and he's like "Gosh, you always get treated like crap when you come to DCA!  I can see why you want to go on this ride...Just picture that CM's face on all the targets!"  Hehe!

So after my nerves had calmed, we headed back over to Disneyland to watch Celebrate!  Now, here's where the amazing part of my day REALLY began.  I had sent a message to Mika, but wasn't sure if she'd get it.  Well, sure enough, she did and she was waiting for me along the parade route!  She wanted to watch the parade at the Daisy stop and I wanted to watch at the Stitch stop, so we split up but agreed to meet in Toontown after the parade.  During the parade, MaiMai got pulled into the street to dance and I was given a drum to beat.  Super cool!  :D

At Toontown, Mika introduced me to two friends I hadn't met on Saturday.  Then we spent the rest of the night together.  It's difficult to explain exactly WHY it was so fun hanging out with them.  One of her friends was a total goofball, so she made the night very interesting.  Then, after my regrets on Saturday, I decided to only speak Japanese no matter how badly butchered my sentences were.  We just had SO much fun talking and bouncing around like idiots and just saying stupid random things.  I think this is one of those things where you'd just have to be there, because it doesn't sound exciting when I explain it.  ^_^;;;

Oh, but so Mika and the two new girls I met all work at the Haunted Mansion at TDL, so we went to ride HM.  Her friend did the Japanese spiel for HM and they all did their "HM faces" (spooky, straight-faces).  Then during the ride, the goofy friend kept doing things to scare me, but I don't really scare easily.  Then we went to get a spot for the fireworks.  While we waited, we took a million pictures together.  After the fireworks, ALL the girls were crying!  It was really cute.  I met back up with Matt and his friend, then two of the girls split off from the group, then the rest of us went to ride Space Mountain and Jungle Cruise.  OMG, I loved our skipper!  He had such a dry sense of humor, but his jokes were so different from all the other skippers I've had; so it made it really fun!

At the end of the night, we met back up with the two girls that left us and then we all drove to Norms for dinner.  Oh, so I took all the Japanese girls and MaiMai went with Matt since there wasn't enough room in my car (so it's great that we met up with Matt!).  At the parking structure, all the girls busted out their cameras and began taking a million pictures of my car!  LOL!  It was SO cute!  Then at the restaurant, we goofed off some more.  We drew pictures, I signed autographs, and exchanged contact information.  The night ended at like 2:30am, when I drove them back to their hotels.  I fought to stay awake on the way home since I've NEVER stayed out that late and I've never had to drive so far at that time, being so tired.  But then when I got home and thought of how much fun I had, I almost couldn't go to sleep!  Yeah, the day was THAT amazing.  I'm SOOO glad that I was able to meet up with Mika again.  She only comes here once a year, so I guess next time I see her will be when I go to Japan!  ...Hopefully!  *crosses fingers for the exchange rate to go back up*

Saturday was so much fun! I went to Disneyland in the afternoon and went to a party that night.

 

So, I was supposed to meet up with some friends from Japan at 1:30pm on Main Street, but I didn’t get to the parking structure until 1:30pm. I had no way to contact them, so I hoped they were still waiting for me. A girl, who was also by herself, sat next to me on the tram and we started chit chatting. We exchanged phone numbers and she told me that if my friends weren’t there, I could call her and hang out with her. She was really sweet!

 

Luckily Mika knows that I have an issue with time management, so she and her friends were still there waiting for me 20 minutes after the time we were supposed to meet up. 遅くなってすみません！ That phrase is one I know VERY well. So, anyway, I was introduced to her two friends and then we exchanged gifts. Mika bought me a TDL 25^th anniversary personalized dream key (which I’ve wanted SO badly!), Stitch crackers, a Stitch strap, Stitch dual pen/pencil and tons of stickers from Hong Kong Disneyland. I got her a genuine pearl and crystal personalized bracelet and a Daisy plushie (cuz she loves Daisy just as much as I love Stitch!).

 

The entire day was spent taking pictures with characters and watching the new “parade” – Celebrate! A Street Party. I really liked the music to the new parade, but it’s not anything spectacular.  I did have fun singing and clapping along to the music and I even got pulled out of the crowd to dance (both times)! Haha, good thing I’m over my stage fright!  Before working at Disneyland, I was SOOO shy and I would've NEVER danced in public like that. During the parade, Stitch and Woody blew me kisses! We met Pluto in Toontown, Minnie in Town Square, and Mickey at his house. Mickey got really excited to see me and even started crying. Aww, I’ve missed you too Mickey! <3 Oh yeah, we also went over to DCA to watch Pixar Play; Mrs. Incredible pointed me out and made a heart with her hands and blew me kisses. :D Also, Flik pointed me out and waved at me. Ohhh, I’m so special! XD!!!

 

I ended the night with Mika and her friend (one of them split up with us when we went to DCA) at their hotel room. They showed me all their postcards (and her friend gave me two Stitch ones!), magazines and photobooks from Tokyo Disney Resort. Then we took a bunch of pictures together. I had SO much fun with them! Although I wish I had spoken more Japanese. Mika and her one friend only know Japanese, but her other friend was studying English. So sometimes when Mika would ask me questions that required a long answer, I’d just say it in English and her friend translated it to Japanese. Shame on me, I know! I should be practicing conversational Japanese with her since I rarely have people I can converse with. But I suddenly forgot half of the sentence patterns I had learned when she started asking me a million questions. Ahhh! @_@;;;

 

The party I went to that night was for my friend Kasha, who is going to Japan for the next 3 months. The theme was “Japan” so I got changed into a more oriental outfit. Right when I walked into the house, there was an adorable photo location; cuz hey, what's a character party without a photo location?  Mike and I joked that Kasha should've been stuck in photo location and we could have someone bump her out every 30 minutes (inside joke).  XD!!!!  There was a costume contest and I almost wore my Sakura costume, but I didn’t want to look stupid (wait why, everyone there was from the character department!) and I didn’t want to ruin my costume.

I didn’t know most of the people there, since most were parade-side, but I found a couple of my friends and hung out with them for the majority of the night. My one good friend ended up really drunk, so then I hung out with her friend’s little boy. He is the most hilarious, badass 9 year old I’ve ever met! He speaks like an arrogant, angst-filled anime character and the only English he knows is “Don’t touch” and “No way, Jose!” (I asked him why he knew those phrases and he told me that any idiot knows those...really?). He said stuff like 俺の勝ちだ！and 何だよ！and 殺すぞ！ (when I looked at his Pokemon cards). I *think* he really enjoyed my company though, since almost everyone was drunk and those who weren’t didn’t know Japanese so they couldn’t really communicate with him. We tried blinding each other with our camera’s flashes, played on the trampoline, raced with his Lego cars and just talked (when he wasn’t running around like a crazy monkey).

 

So, all in all, it was a great day. The weather was perfect, the crowds were manageable (for a Saturday during spring break), the party was enjoyable and I stayed awake the entire drive home! XD!!! This was probably the only thing exciting I’m doing over spring break, so I made sure to enjoy it!

"I wish I could win the lottery!"

Okay, so maybe I don't *always* say it, but I always seem to think it whenever I'm isanely short on money.  It's so embarrassing when I go out and then realize that I barely have enough money.  I needed some more hand soap for my bathroom and when I went to pay for it, I had to go through all of my change just to scrounge up enough money to pay for it.  x_x;;;

Then all of the stuff for Anime Expo cost me an arm and a leg (between the admission, hotel room, cosplay costumes, etc.).  Oh, and I had to pay for the next quarter of college too, which came out to $1,340.50.  Needless to say, the whole "free chicken sandwich on college Thursdays" at Chick-Fil-A sounds REALLY good.  Unfortunately Thursday is a long ways away.

So what brought this up (besides all the recently high expenses)?  Well, I was gathering pictures for my cosplay Powerpoint presentation for my Japanese class.  And seeing all of these costumes made me wish I could start cosplaying again, like hardcore.  I have SO many dream costumes (some have been on my wishlist for 9 years), but my severe lack of skill in making ANYTHING means that the only way I can cosplay is by spending copious amounts of money to have talented people make stuff for me.  So then it made me think "I wish I could win the lottery so that I could pay these people insane amounts of money to make my dream costumes!"  Either that or I wish I had insanely talented friends who could make the costumes for me because they're my friend and they like to waste spend their time doing nice things for me out of the goodness of their hearts.  HAHA, yeah right, but a girl can dream, can't she?!  :P

My two long-time dream costumes are Saotome Ranma (girl-type) and Lina Inverse.  Ranma because I used to RP her back in the 90's and she's pretty much my online alias (Ranko).  The reason Ranma will never come true is because she has the FLUFFY BANGS OF DOOM!  *cue dramatic music*  Lina is also one of my all-time favorite characters.  She's like the person I wish I could be; strong, confident, and usually gets her way (LOL).  Plus, a guy in my Japanese class who could make a kick-ass Gourry said he'd cosplay with me if I could help him with the costume.  ARGH, that totally makes me want to do it now!  But that costume will never come true because I don't know anyone who can make her armor.  ;_;

Then some costumes that I'd like to do, but just can't afford are:

• Okuda Takiko.  I saw her priestess outfit and nearly died.  It's SO beautiful!  As a long time Watase Yuu obsessor, it's natural that I want to cosplay one of her characters.  Also, I just saw a website that sold her necklace and it supposedly lights up and displays the seishi symbols, just like in the manga!  But it's all in Portugese and yeah...  ;_;
• Amelia wil blah de blah.  Haha, yeah, sorry I'm not a huge fan of Amelia.  But my recent desire to cut and dye my hair like hers makes me wish I had her outfit.
• Nuriko.  Again, I'm a Watase Yuu fanatic.  And Nuriko is easily my second (to Rimudo/Uruki) favorite Fushigi Yuugi character.  But I'm not really sure I'd want to cosplay him.  He's too sexy to even attempt.  :X

Okay yeah...Maybe I should actually start playing the lotto!  I think I've only played it twice ever.  How can I expect to win if I never play?!

Holy shit.  I just got really depressed and feel that I need to let it all out.  But since I have nobody to talk to, posting it on my blog (that seriously nobody reads) seems like my only option.

So when I got home, I had two packages waiting for me.  One was a wig that I bought off of another cosplayer.  It wasn't anything like I expected it to be.  The color is much lighter than the picture, the hair is super thin and it's WAAAY shorter than it looked.  It was supposed to be for Suzumiya Haruhi, but it looks more like a pancake-flat Peter Pan wig or something.  The longest layers of the stringy wig barely reach my shoulders.  It just looks really disgusting on me.  I doubt I can resell it either, so I guess I just threw money out the window.  ;_;

The second package was the revamped Milky Way jacket.  Although it looked nice the first time, the neckline was literally choking me (it should've been below the collar bone) and the length was so short that it barely covered half of my boobs.  I gave the seamstress measurements, took pictures, made notes of what I wanted fixed and gave side-by-side picture comparisons of me VS Koharu (reference pictures) to show how different it looked.  Well, I put the new revamped jacket on and it's just as short as the other one!  And the darts now make the jacket ride up my boobs, so now it doesn't even cover my chest AT ALL!  I'm afraid to ask him to re-do it again because he'll either say no, charge me more, or it'll come out even worse.  I just want a costume that fits me dammit!  >_<

So, today at school was semi-interesting and I really wanted to talk to someone about it.  Being the complete and total idiot that I am, I went to talk to my mom.  While I'm talking, she doesn't even look at me - in fact, she was reading some papers!  I asked if she was listening and she gave out an annoyed "Yes, I am!"  So, I continued my story and all of a sudden she starts to call someone and then tells me to "shut up" because she's on the phone!  WTF?!  I was in the middle of a fucking sentence!  But this thing doesn't just happen with my mom; everyone ignores me or walks away from me mid-sentence.  I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE!  >_<

Then I decided to come here on Facebook to get my mind off of all the stuff that started to bring my mood down.  But then I read...the new Fushigi Yuugi Genbu Kaiden chapters have been delayed for ANOTHER YEAR!  Another year....Another year...Are you serious?!  I swear, Watase is a fucking nutcase.  I saw her twice at AX (2000 and...2004?  I don't remember which years) and I hate her.  But I love her storylines and artwork, so I try not to think about what a weirdo she is.  I feel like she doesn't care about the FY storyline anymore.  Like, she's completely over it and now she's stalling and making up any excuse not to finish it.  I'm also not holding my breath for any more of the FYGK drama CDs to come out either.  That makes me REALLY sad.  Like, part of my life is just gone...(which FYGK was such a huge obsession that for a while it did become my life).

*sigh*  Why is it that bad things happen all on the same day?!  I think I could keep my depression under control if just one bad thing happened, but 4 things all at the same time?!  I think there is some greater power or force out there that just doesn't want me to be happy.  Or it's taunting me to see whether I'm strong enough to persevere or if I'm so weak and pathetic that I would have the guts to end it all now.  When I die, I kind of hope that I could be transported to another dimension like the Shijintenchisho.  Then I would find a place where people accept me, need me, want to be with me and protect me.  And then I would become the priestess (of Genbu!) and finish the story that Watase won't!  XP!!!  Of course the reality is that death is just a black void of emptiness; even emptier and more desolate than my life is now.  *sigh*

I've had a lot of very random stuff on my mind lately that I'd like to share.

I found my old Fushigi Yuugi DVDs and started watching them again.  I'm obsessing over Nuriko all over again!  *_*  He is just SO DAMN HOT!  I think he just might be my "ideal" anime boyfriend.  I was SO obsessed with him back in middle school; I wanted to dye my hair purple so it'd be just like his.  And now I kinda want to do that again.  But I think I'll stick with the half purple (a la Amelia) for now and see how that works out first.  Also, I kinda want to get a tattoo just like his, but I have a low tolerance for pain, so that might not happen...Plus, the only time someone would really see the tattoo is when I'm naked, which would kind of make it pointless to get, right?



So, still on the topic of FY...I dug up my old FY drama CD book.  I wish there were some way to get the others because I really like the VA cast, but it's SO old that there are hardly any even on Yahoo Japan auctions.  It's really cool because I'm also a HUGE Ranma 1/2 fan and 4 of the VAs on the drama CD did voices on Ranma 1/2.  Also, a few of my favorite VAs did the voices of the other characters.  The cast list is as follows:

• Yuuki Miaka - Hidaka Noriko (also did Tendou Akane from Ranma 1/2!)
• Hongo Yui - Yamazaki Wakana
• Tamahome - Toshihiko Seki (also did Mousse from Ranma 1/2!)
• Hotohori - Matsumoto Yasunori (also did Gourry from Slayers!)
• Nuriko - Takayama Minami (also did Tendou Nabiki from Ranma 1/2!)
• Chichiri - Yamaguchi Kappei (also did Saotome Ranma from Ranma 1/2!)
• Tasuki - Kazuki Yao
• Mitsukake - Kosugi Jurouta (also did Tenkou from FY OAVs)
• Chiriko - Orikasa Ai (also did Ryouko from Tenchi Muyo!)
• Amiboshi - Iwanaga Tetsuya (also does Tomite in FYGK and did Malik in Yu-Gi-Oh!)
• Nakago - Okiayu Ryotaro (also does Gaku Namikiri from Zettai Kareshi and Honda from Yu-Gi-Oh!)

Yesterday I went out with my friend Miles to take purikura.  It was SO much fun!  <3  I tried styling my hair like Amelia's.  I wanted to see how it would look and if it would actually work.  Of course it'll probably look different when I actually cut all my hair that short; in the picture it's only the top half of my hair (the longer layers were pulled back).  But I think it looks kind of cute!  I'm looking forward to the day when I can cut my hair like Amelia's and dye it purple.  I've waited so long and now it's not much longer until I do it!  <3

My current projects are:

• Buono! - Renai Rider
• Tsukishima Kirari starring Kusumi Koharu - Happy Happy Sunday
• Tsukishima Kirari starring Kusumi Koharu - Papancake
• Milky Way - Tan Tan Taan!

I've already recorded "Tan Tan Taan!" before (see previous entry), but I shortened it because I needed more practice with the dance.  I think I have a little more practice and can do it a little more polished now.  But the main reason I want to re-do it is because now I have the cosplay costume to do it in!  I'm hoping to re-record it by the end of this month, but we'll see how that goes because I just cut my hair recently and it's WAY shorter than Koharu's now.

This afternoon I recorded myself doing "Happy Happy Sunday."  I hadn't practiced it too much before recording, so it took me several tries to get it all correct in one shooting.  Unfortunately it's still not perfect, so I'm not sure if I'll post any of the clips I took today.  I almost got all the dance steps right on the last recording, but I was so exhausted after re-doing it non-stop for 45 minutes that it probably looks half-assed.  Actually, I looked at a few of the earlier outakes and I think I look REALLY retarded doing the dance.  How does Koharu make stupid dance moves look so dang cute?!  >_<

I'm still working on Renai Rider.  That's a really hard and really fast dance and there's so many spins (which I SUCK at), so I don't know if I'll ever get it right.  The only reason I want to do it is because I bought Airi's outfit.  I still need to get goggles and black knee high socks, but I've pretty much got everything else.  I might just do a shortened version like I did with "Tan Tan Taan!"

I think I might try to record myself doing Papancake tomorrow after school.  I was actually going to do it today, but I didn't feel like curling my hair.  I started to put my hair into pigtails, but my hair is so thick that it looks really stupid.  I can't get it all limp and stringy like Koharu's.  So, I have to try to come up with some alternative.

I just want to note that I know that I'm fat, but I figure dancing is a good form of exercise and may help me manage my weight.  I also know that I can't dance for shit, but I really do like dancing and I'd like to improve.  I took a dance class at work, but of course my skill level was far below everyone else's, so I struggled through it.  Also, I realize that because of my lack of dancing ability, I look insanely stupid when I dance.  But I noticed that my dance cover got more hits than my most popular video; in fact, it might have more hits than all of my other videos combined!  So, if it helps get my videos noticed, then so be it, I suppose.

EDIT:  Here's a screencap from one of my practice shots.  I tried to choose an outfit in my closet that looked similar to Koharu's "date" outfit from the PV and did my hair in a huge bun on top of my head to match.  It came out pretty good!  I wish I had taken pictures of myself before I ruined my hair with all that dancing though...  :T


EDIT #2:  Re-recorded "Happy Happy Sunday" after school today since I redid the big bun hairstyle.  Got it after only 3 takes!  :D!  Still not perfect, but it's probably as good as it's gonna get!  I'm hoping to do "Papancake" tomorrow or Sunday, whenever my parents aren't home...  :X

Since translations for episode 7 aren't out yet, but many people are curious about the scenes where Lina and Pokota ask Ozel a bunch of questions, I decided to translate them myself.  (Basically, I needed an excuse to avoid doing my homework...)

Hopefully color-coding the text will still make it legible.
Lina = Orange
Ozel = Maroon
Gourry = Blue
Pokota = Green
Xellos = Purple

This first part covers the parts from 12:57~15:07.


Then the second part is from 16:13~16:39

I hate everything about myself, and apparently so does everyone else!  I know I've mentioned it before, but...Whether it's online or IRL, people either completely ignore the fact that I exist or if they do give me attention, it's negative.  I don't understand what compels people who don't even know me to treat me like a pile of shit.  Or why people who are supposedly my friends treat me as if I'm a ghost.  This will forever be an unsolved mystery!

In short, I wish I could be anyone but myself.  I wish I had the confidence and intelligence (and metabolism) of Lina Inverse.  I wish I had girl-type Ranma's curvaceous body.  I wish I had a tight-knit group of friends who deeply care about me and support me through even the toughest times like Okuda Takiko (also wish I had Takiko's emotional strength to withstand even the most heartwrenching times).  Oh, and I wouldn't mind having a cute and fluffy blue alien as part of my family...

But unfortunately, as much as I don't like it, I live in reality.  And so, those things will never come true.  The only thing I can be is myself.  I could try to pretend to be someone I'm not, but that won't get me anywhere.  And I can't expect people to change their prejudices, thoughts or attitudes.  So, the only thing I can do is go on being either invisible or hated until one day I meet someone that might be able to break the vicious cycle I'm trapped in (but honestly, I doubt that person is based in reality, so...)

*sigh*

Okay, this is like...a week and a half late.  But better late than never, right?!

Ahh, Valentine's Day.  The day where couples spend ridiculous amounts of money on stupid things like flowers, chocolates, jewelry, etc.  The day when everyone is extra lovey dovey that it makes me want to puke.  But this year I decided I would take charge of V-day and spend it with my beloved Valentine...STITCH!  LOL!  XD

Yes, I spent Valentine's Day (or at least the morning) with Stitch & the gang at PCH Grill.  I brought chocolates for all the characters (although they said they were having a potluck backstage and were pretty stuffed) and I made special little Valentine cards for Lilo & Stitch (ran out of time to make ones for everyone else).



Lilo & I did the hukilau along with kids that barely came up to our waists.  Then I did island hoppers with Stitch (and probably looked like a complete idiot).  Throughout the whole breakfast, the waiters and other CMs sat at our table to talk to me and catch up since I hadn't been to PCH since I quit.  Later, Lilo & Stitch stayed by our table and chit chat with me.  All in all, it was a very fun morning with all my friends.  It really made me miss working at PCH!  >_<

Then we went to Disneyland to watch the new band moments.  Goofy's new routine was cute, but I like Chip & Dale's old moment better.  The new dance moves just looked so...corny!  Also liked Pluto's old dance number better, as it was more energetic.  Donald's moment was completely removed (made me SO mad!).  Minnie's routine was shortened, but then Mickey & Minnie do an adorable dance number together.  On the second band moments, I got to take a picture with my good friend Goofy and I got Minnie's attention at the end of her moment and she spazzed when she saw me.  Ahh, good times!  :D

I saw the new walk-through of Sleeping Beauty Castle for the first time.  It's really cool!  Then Grace and I went to the Tiki Room because everything else was packed like crazy!  @_@;;;  It was really fun going with her because, believe it or not, she hasn't been in the Tiki Room since she was a little kid!  She was laughing so hard and I found her reactions to the singing birds to be hilarious!

Then I met back up with my two Japanese friends in DCA, where we watched the Aladdin musical.  My friend got VIP seats and we ended up sitting dead center and in the second row.  VERY amazing experience to be that close to the performers!  Only bum part is you miss the carpet ride part with Aladdin and Jasmine (because it happens above you).

Right after Aladdin, we rushed to our normal spot for Pixar Play Parade.  Boo came up and gave us a hug, which always makes me feel so special (even though she's friends with my friend and not me).  The rest of the parade was pretty much the same, EXCEPT for the first (or third?) time, one of the characters pointed ME out because she knew me!  Do you know how special that made me feel?!  She mimed "OMG.  I know you!"  Yes, I can (kind of) read character lingo, although not as well as I probably should.  -_-;;;

The rest of the day was just eating and shopping.  Nothing too exciting towards the end.  I left by about 7pm because I was getting tired and the crowds were too much to handle.  All in all, it was a really fun day and definitely much needed after all the stress I've endured in school.